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We learn by doing. It’s true of everyone, especially children. And for certain things, behavioral learning is the most effective way to learn. Skills that depend on data and knowledge, such as mathematics, can start with data and theory, which might get strengthened with practice. Emotionally dependent skills, such as self-esteem, may be better suited for an activity, and an experience-based learning environment for the lessons to land.
Life experiences are the sources of self-esteem. Children want to feel included in communities, and experiences of rejection or acceptance into communities dramatically impact their sense of self-esteem. There are any number of reasons children might feel accepted or rejected by their peers. Children might highlight differences between each other, or affirm similarities. Some children may make decisions based on observations of what they see in the world, such as self-identifying that they are different. This may lead them to make judgments about themselves without any direct interactions. So many factors contribute to the development of self-esteem that educators can never anticipate all of them.
Self-esteem is among the most important factors in the development of any child. Good self-esteem can be the determining factor in the long-term success of a child, while damaged self-esteem can leave children struggling for the rest of their lives.
For these reasons, it’s imperative to include worthwhile self-esteem-building group activities into educational curriculum.
Self-Esteem Group Activities for Youth
Group activities are excellent for building self-esteem in children. Though it’s not the only deciding factor in developing self-esteem, community integration has a powerful determining effect on developing self-esteem.
Cultivating confidence that it’s safe to express feelings aloud.
Recognizing there are people out there with the same fears.
All the students in the class write down something they’re afraid of. Then there’s an open discussion where the question is posed, “What would it be like if that happened?” It can be helpful to adopt an attitude that if the fear came to pass, it might not be as bad as anticipated.
The Gratitude Journal
Creating a habit of looking for good things happening around them encourages children to look for positive aspects of themselves. For this activity, every child has a designated journal for this purpose. On a weekly basis, they are encouraged to write positive things they notice about other people. Then, two or three times every month, have a discussion with the whole class on the highlights from their gratitude journals.
Positive Rephrasing
In this activity, children will say their statements of self-challenge. Things like, “I am a bad writer,” or “I don’t have a lot of friends.” Then the student rephrases the statements into more positive statements. I.e. “I come up with creative ideas when I write” or “I have a great best friend.”
What are Good Traits Discussion
For this activity, students write down traits that they consider “good.” I.e. Good at sports–funny–kind–etc. After making the list, have a discussion in class about the traits. What do these traits look like in a person? How do you cultivate them?
Cooperative Boardgames
Games are fun, and they can either encourage individual conflict, or they can be tools for developing cooperation and a sense of being a valued part of the community. Play board games, and put children into small teams so that they can cooperate on decisions and work together.
Write the End Goal
It can be frustrating being a child. Children can have trouble feeling certain about having any agency in their own lives. With this activity, children write down outcomes they would like to see in their lives. Treating a child’s plans seriously affirms their sense that their actions and thoughts matter.
How to Build Self-Esteem in Students
In the end, there are a lot of potential self-esteem group activities that encourage growth. Determining which ones are best to choose will depend on the educators, the students, and many other factors. Take into consideration factors that contribute to self-esteem when creating activities. Factors such as…
Definitions–who am I? What does that say about me?
Relationships–who am I in my relationships? How do they change me?
Accomplishments–what do I do well? How have I shown improvement? And, alternately, do I wish to change any of my habits?
Self-esteem is complicated, but the factors contributing to positive self-esteem tend toward common experiences. If that’s true, then it’s possible to create environments that encourage improved self-esteem.
Soul Shoppe is a social emotional learning company. For more than twenty years they’ve been devoted to creating tools and empowering educators of all stripes to incorporate emotional intelligence into their curricula. Their strategies are effective in encouraging empathy and emotional awareness in children. Through these strategies and their Peacemaker Program they help decrease conflicts in playgrounds across the country. Click for more information on SEL Programs for Elementary Schools.
When it comes to learning about diversity, children have a huge advantage over adults. If a child encounters something new, they tend to accept it as a part of life with limited judgment. The natural impulse for most people when encountering something confusing is to label it as weird (Qian). When we’re children, we have two ways to develop context clues to support value judgments. One way is through explicit means, like explanations from parents and teachers. The other way is by implicit means, such as pop culture depictions and witnessed interpersonal interactions (Harvard). Educators should be aware of both means of developing value judgments when teaching children about diversity. Even though we can’t control the implicit formation of prejudice, it’s important to understand how your teaching choices explicitly affect a child’s developing understanding of diversity.
Teaching Children About Diversity
Unlearning Biases
People can develop implicit biases as early as four years of age (Harvard). That doesn’t mean it’s impossible to teach acceptance of diversity to children. It’s important to know what you’re up against when you start. From an early age, we develop instincts to think of people similar to us in “good” terms and people who are different in “bad” terms. According to Dr. Miao Qian, a postdoctoral research fellow with the Inequality in America Initiative, the way forward out of this pattern is a persistent effort to unlearn subconscious habits of stereotyping. Qian and her team are developing an app game designed to retrain people to new subconscious habits. Qian’s hope is to begin a trend of no longer equating different with bad.
According to Qian, unlearning bias will be the most effective tool in helping future generations grow up with better acceptance of diversity. The fact of the matter is that we inadvertently imbue children with subconscious prejudices. With care and vigilance, we can foster circumstances that will encourage new subconscious habits. The key to the future is unlearning biases.
There are a few things you can do, as educators, through teaching diversity in classroom activities. In addition, Soul Shoppe can help with online courses such as Respect Differences and Allies Against Racism.
Incorporate More Diversity into Reading Lists
Reading can be a powerful tool and diverse books are important.
The good news is that the need for diverse books is a known problem. Recently, writers and publishers have been doing a hard push to give less-represented voices a bigger platform (Harvard). The question, “Why aren’t there more people in these books like me?” can guide you. We’ve been using stories as a safe place to try out hard thoughts and feelings since we worked out how to light campfires.
It can be a powerful thing to strive for more diverse representations of racial backgrounds, sexual orientations, etc., in the literature you incorporate into curricula. Children tend to form a lot of biases from literature. Normative depictions of characters with diverse backgrounds can be a powerful influencing factor in how children develop or redefine biases (Harvard).
Diverse representation in reading lists creates more opportunities for conversations about prejudice. It’s difficult to judge what has influenced kids in their lives outside of the classroom. It’s equally difficult to anticipate what they will encounter that will influence how they develop biases. What an educator can do is set reading lists and know what’s on them.
It’s important to incorporate teaching about diversity in classroom activities because we’re dealing with largely subconscious biases developed from implicit influences. Relearning biases requires similarly implicit and subconscious tools.
Talking about Prejudice – Explicit Tools for Implicit Problems
Fear is an influencing factor in developing biases about anyone with a different background than yourself. A powerful tool to help with uncertainty and fear is creating a safe place to talk about hard subjects.
It’s important to talk about prejudice (Harvard). Children sometimes lack the vocabulary to talk about or make decisions about new things they haven’t encountered yet. Supervised conversations in a classroom setting can give children a sense that it’s safe to ask hard questions and that their views matter (Harvard).
In a classroom setting, children can think about questions they might not encounter explicitly in their daily lives. Questions like:
What does discrimination look like?
Have you ever been impacted by discrimination?
Conversations about prejudice and discrimination are difficult, but supervised conversation nurtures communication skills–both speaking and listening. Listening is an important step in accepting diverse perspectives.
How to Teach Diversity in the Classroom through Classroom Activities
As mentioned above, when diversity is taught through activities it can be extremely effective. Here are some ideas:
Say hello each day in various languages
Serve a snack from different cultures around the world
Intolerance rests on a foundation of biases gained by both implicit and explicit influences. Addressing prejudices isn’t impossible, but it takes patience and persistence. Learning to accept diversity requires an effort to relearn subconscious biases, some of which we might not know are there. By incorporating more tools for empathizing with and normalizing diverse perspectives and backgrounds, it’s possible to make curricula that aid in teaching children about diversity.
Most adults understand that gratitude is more than saying thank you when receiving a gift or compliment. Gratitude is an attitude of the heart.
Some parents may ask, “What is gratitude for kids?” It’s one thing to teach children to say thank you–express gratitude–and it’s another to live with an attitude of gratitude.
This article will discuss how to teach gratitude to kids. We’ll also share some great gratitude activities for kids.
What Is Gratitude For Kids?
When some of our team members were on-site at a school just before the pandemic hit, they discussed gratitude with a group of children. One child said, “Gratitude means you’re happy when your parents give you something.” The team smiled at the child and used their response to discuss further.
Webster’s dictionary defines gratitude as “A feeling of appreciation or thanks.” Children experience feelings–or attitudes–of thanks many times throughout their days. When a teacher calls on them in class–thus expressing an interest in their thoughts–or when a classmate compliments them. Other instances can include when someone lets them borrow a pencil, or someone else plays nicely with them at recess.
All these examples help children connect the idea of gratitude to the feeling of thanks.
When we talk about what gratitude is for kids, we need to remember not to focus on material goods but on the actions of others and whatever provision we have in our lives.
A child in one of our online sessions explained gratitude this way, “It is how I felt when my mom smiled at me when I was nice to my sister.” At 9-years old, this child expressed a social-emotional response that led to them feeling warm and accepted.
Another student in high school described gratitude as “Recognizing the fact that someone else truly sees me.” This response indicates a more developed understanding of the complex nature of feelings and interpersonal relationships. It also describes an internal response to an outward stimulus.
We share these examples, in particular, to highlight the fact that how you explain gratitude to a child will vary in terms of their ages. Fortunately, most children have experienced this and therefore, can relate to definitions of the words and actions that exemplify what it feels like internally.
The children’s entertainment organization PBS reminds us that children imitate the adults in their lives. To that end, we can show children what gratitude looks like when we consistently thank others for both big and small acts of kindness.
PBS writes, “Encourage your child to follow suit. When you write a thank you note to someone they know, let them add a picture or dictate a few words. As they get older, encourage them to write their own thank you cards or make thank you gifts for people who have touched their lives, such as teachers, coaches, or community helpers.” Showing gratitude in front of your children and then involving them in expressions of appreciation helps them make the connections between what gratitude looks like and how it feels.
There are several activities teachers can use in their classrooms, and parents can use at home to teach gratitude to kids.
Gratitude Activities for Kids
These activities can bring gratitude to life and help kids celebrate the positive feelings associated with such a fantastic attitude!
Each of the following gratitude activities for kids can be modified to your child’s level of development.
Create a Gratitude Jar
All you need to create a gratitude jar is a large clear container, a stack of sticky notes, and a pen (or brightly colored markers if you’re feeling creative).
Each evening, invite everyone in the family to write or draw something they are grateful for. They can depict something that happened that day or a mainstay in their lives, such as their pet, a favorite food, or a special friend. On Fridays, read the gratitude notes as a family and celebrate each one with smiles, applause, etc.
Create a Gratitude Vision Board
Vision boards are an excellent way for children to keep the positive aspects of their lives in front of them so when they’re feeling down, isolated, or sad, they can quickly reference their vision boards and remind themselves how much they have to be grateful for.
Gather magazines, construction paper, stickers, and any other media to help children describe what it means to be grateful. Have them create a list of things, people, or places for which they are thankful. Then have them fill their vision boards with words or photos that represent the items on their list.
Gratitude Prompts
Gratitude prompts are a great way to help children begin a consistent gratitude practice. All they need to do is consider each prompt and then fill in the blanks. The goal is to identify at least three things in each category they are thankful for. Then have them share.
Have children choose three people in their lives who have treated them with kindness or consistently made them feel seen and heard. Then invite them to write a thank you note to each of the people they’ve chosen. The notes should include three ways in which the person made them feel loved or cared for and three ways in which they learned something about gratitude due to the person’s kindness.
Ask the students to send these notes via email, mail, or in-person with their parents’ help.
Teaching gratitude to kids helps them recognize what thankfulness feels like and looks like, as well as how it can improve the lives of those who give it and receive it. Gratitude is a powerful tool in teaching children that they can recognize beauty and kindness in the world and offer it to others.
Soul Shoppe’s mission is to create safe environments that bring forth a culture of compassion, connection, and curiosity. Our innovative, interactive, and highly effective social emotional learning programs give parents, homeschoolers, teachers, and corporations important lifelong skills. Our online programs include the Peacemakers Program, Respecting Differences, Tools of the Heart, and more.
If you’re a parent or teacher, you know your small kids experience big feelings. Sometimes they seem to come out of nowhere, while other times, your kids have emotional responses that you can easily trace to some prior moment in the day. Regardless of how their feelings are stirred up, we must normalize talking about them.
Children who are taught that talking about feelings is healthy will learn not to bottle up their life experiences. Instead, they’ll learn to share them and process them. Just like adults, when kids begin to understand their emotions and name them, they have a fighting chance of working through their feelings.
This article will discuss talking about feelings and teaching your child to identify and express them.
Talking About Feelings
What Is The Difference Between Emotions And Feelings?
While emotions and feelings are used interchangeably, they are slightly different. Emotions are bodily reactions that occur through neurotransmitters and hormones in the brain (iMotions). Feelings, on the other hand, are a conscious experience.
Talking About Feelings Helps Children Process
Though emotions can be as unique as the children who experience them, there are generally four big emotions in which everyone’s feelings are grounded: anger, sadness, fear, and loneliness. We could easily break down each of these big emotions into resulting feelings, but for the sake of this article, we’ll focus on the main ones.
Suppose you are looking for a more extensive representation of the full array of emotions to help teach your child that talking about feelings doesn’t have to feel overwhelming or frustrating. In that case, you can check out our feelings poster.
The Big Four Feelings and Emotions for Kids
Let’s discuss the big four feelings and emotions for kids and how you can help your child identify them.
Anger
In general, anger is secondary to hurt, fear, frustration, or injustice. Sometimes your child will feel triggered to anger by one of these emotions, and sometimes they will feel all four of these emotions at once.
Anger is an uncomfortable emotion for both adults and children. It’s also an uncomfortable emotion to witness in another person. Anger for children often manifests itself as a temper tantrum, hitting, grabbing another child’s toy, or having an emotional outburst such as crying coupled with screaming.
It’s important to understand that anger triggers your child’s fight or flight response. Jaclyn Shlisky, PsyD, writes, “Anger may seem irrational, but for a child that hasn’t yet learned how to regulate emotions, it’s an immediate natural reaction to some sort of wrongdoing your child feels” (Parent.com). To help your child recognize and self-regulate when talking about the feelings and emotions that are stirred up by anger, you can do the following:
Identify and explain the feeling using age-appropriate language and materials, such as songs, movies, pictures, or facial expressions.
Teach your child different ways they can deal with their feelings.
Praise your child when they talk about their feelings.
Reinforce your child’s attempts to discuss their feelings by incorporating feelings into game time, car rides, when you’re sharing a meal, etc.
Using anger as an example, you can help your child identify and explain the emotion. For instance, if your child doesn’t want to follow their bedtime routine one night and begins to have a temper tantrum, you might say, “It seems like you’re feeling angry about having to brush your teeth tonight. You are crying, and your face looks like this. What can you do? I think you can ask for help or take some deep breaths and try again.”
Acknowledging your child’s emotions not only helps them identify their feelings using self-awareness skills, but also helps them understand how they can deal with them. The next step is to praise your child when they acknowledge the emotions they’re experiencing. Additionally, praise them when they decide how to handle that emotion. While at the beginning, you might provide examples of solutions for them, they will eventually learn to come up with solutions on their own.
Later, when their emotions have settled–this could be an hour later or even a couple of days later–you can reinforce your child’s attempts to discuss their feelings. You can also discuss the choices they made to process the emotions. For example, “Last night, you seemed angry about brushing your teeth. I was so proud of you when you figured out you were feeling anger and then took some nice, deep breaths before finishing brushing. You handled your anger so well!” This kind of reinforcement lets kids know what they did well, and it can help build their confidence during future moments with difficult emotions.
Sadness
When you’re teaching your child to identify and express emotions, sadness is one of the first you will want to explore. We all experience sadness at one point or another, and children tend to present sadness in similar ways to adults.
The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning at Vanderbilt University suggests playing the game Make a Face to begin conversations about emotions with your child or student.
This is a great way to open a conversation with a child who feels sad. The game begins when you say, “I am going to make a face; guess what I am feeling by looking at my face.” This game helps the child assign a name to the feeling and then allows the adult to reinforce their connection in the moment. Once the emotion is established, you can ask the child what has caused their sadness and then follow the steps above (identify and explain, teach them ways to deal with their emotions, praise the child, and reinforce their attempts).
When children deal with difficult emotions, it’s essential to let them know that while their feelings belong to them, they are common among children and adults alike. They are not alone.
Fear
In most educational materials on feelings and emotions for kids, fear is at the top of the list. The reason for this is obvious–just think back to when you were a child. Perhaps you had a fear of the dark, or big animals, or loud noises. Much of this fear is rooted in feelings of uncertainty and the vastness of “the unknown.” Often, children express fear in uncertain ways and this can lead to anxiety later in life.
If your child or student is having a hard time identifying and expressing fear, here are some tools you can give them to help them express it more productively:
Encourage them to ask for help.
Invite them to say the emotion instead of showing it. (For example, “I am feeling scared,” instead of crying, hiding, or throwing a tantrum.)
Relax and try again. (For example, if a child fears reading aloud in class, invite them to take some deep breaths and try again.)
Tell a grown-up.
Teaching your child to identify and express emotions allows them to connect with you and with others in a way that keeps them safe and gives them a greater sense of confidence when they are not with you. It also builds camaraderie and community because it teaches them that we are all in this together.
Loneliness
The final emotion we’ll discuss here is loneliness.
Research shows that children form attachments to other people right from the start. Children who have a secure attachment with at least one adult experience benefits and learn that connection to others is a positive thing. Conversely, when children feel disconnected from others, they can experience loneliness.
Unfortunately, loneliness in kids has skyrocketed as a result of the pandemic. As you might imagine, kids attending classes online or being taken out of their normal activities has resulted in an epidemic of loneliness.
Loneliness is a complex emotion but helping your child identify it in themselves and then process it, benefits them greatly. Bethany Vibert, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, suggests some helpful strategies to talking about the feeling of loneliness with your child. Dr. Vibert writes:
Ask open-ended questions. For example, if your child says they miss spending time with someone they used to see a lot, you can ask questions about that. “What did you really like doing with her? What do you miss the most about seeing her?”
Make observations. Sometimes comments are a good alternative to questions. So, if you notice that your child isn’t spending time with people as much as they used to, you might point that out. Then leave space for them to talk.
Validate their experiences. Showing genuine interest goes a long way. Do your best to listen without judgment (or visible panic) to whatever they have to say. Try also to avoid overreacting with too much sympathy or emotion, since that might make them feel even worse. You can show that you’re listening by reflecting back on what they’re saying (“It sounds like you’re having a hard time”), or saying supportive things like “That sounds tough. Would you tell me more about that?”
Talking about feelings and emotions with your children or students teaches them that their experiences are valid, they can manage their feelings, and that you care about them.
Anyone who spends time with children understands that play is more than a frivolous pastime. It’s the work of childhood. Work through which the next generation learns skills like effective communication, conflict resolution, problem-solving, and cooperation.
In this article, we discuss learning through play, cooperative play, and provide examples of cooperative games for kids that can be used in the classroom.
Cooperative Games for Kids
The Six Stages of Play
American sociologist and researcher, Mildred Parten, dedicated much of her career to studying the art of play. As a result of her research, Parten identified six stages of play through which most children progress. She was careful to note that each child is unique and can progress at different rates. Even so, the stages do tend to follow one another eventually.
Unoccupied play is that which we observe in babies or young children. In this stage, children explore materials around them in an unorganized fashion. The focus of this stage is learning how the world works.
2. Solitary play (0-2 years)
During this stage children are content to entertain themselves. The main skills they acquire as they are preparing to play with other children are new motor and cognitive skills.
3. Onlooker play (2 years)
Children involved in onlooker play are actively watching others. As they observe, children learn about the social rules of play and relationships–rules they will eventually employ when they feel ready to jump in for themselves.
4. Parallel play (2-3 years)
This play occurs when children play side-by-side but aren’t interacting with one another’s games. This stage does not include social engagement but it does teach children further social skills and gives them a framework for inviting others into their play in the future.
5. Associative play (3-4 years)
During this stage, children shift their focus from activities or objects of play to other players in the game. The focus of this stage is practicing what they’ve learned through observing others and building social skills with other children or adults.
6. Cooperative play (4+ years)
This is play categorized by cooperative efforts between players. Children become interested in both the game and the players. To this end, they begin to communicate desired outcomes and collaborate toward a common goal while understanding that each person has a distinct role to play.
The way our children learn to play is an excellent example of the constructivist theory of education. This theory is based on the idea that learners build on their existing knowledge to learn new information. As such, cooperative play is not only a capstone achievement for our students, it is also a catalyst from which they can grow into healthy adults and effective members of society.
The skills children derive from cooperative play that, in turn, provide the crucial foundation upon which they build future success include working together to achieve a common goal, developing the ability to problem-solve, sharing and exploring ideas, speaking and listening, and improving social, mental, emotional, and physical agility.
Additionally, Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, a professor of psychology at Temple University and co-author of Becoming Brilliant: What Science Tells Us About Raising Successful Children with Roberta Golinkoff, breaks down the skills kids need to succeed with the “six C’s,” which include— collaboration, communication, content, critical thinking, creative innovation, and confidence (NPR). Cooperative play helps children to learn these C’s.
Examples of Cooperative Games for Kids
Chief among cooperative games for kids are those that teach team-building skills. To that end, we’ve compiled a list of team-building games that have been proven to build both confidence and skill. Those listed are mainly cooperative games for the classroom but can also be adapted for online learning.
Here are our top five cooperative games for kids from various resources:
Set-Up: For this activity, prepare a tray with 20 unrelated items. For example, a spool of thread, an eraser, a juice box, etc. Once you’ve selected your items, create a document with 20 images of your selected items to put up on the screen. Divide your class into even groups.
Instructions: Set a timer and have each group divide the 20 items into four categories that make sense to them. For example, they may put an earring, a glove, a headset, a sock, and a smile into the category “things you wear.” Have groups work quietly so that their ideas are kept secret. When the time is up, give each group time to present their categories and the rationale behind each category.
Set-Up: Provide each team with four different images and ask students to come up with a short story that connects all the objects together. For example, the images can be a person, an object, a location, etc.
Instructions: Give students about 15-20 minutes to discuss and come up with a story, then present their story to the class.
The goal of this activity is to generate discussion among student groups about a specific topic or content area.
Set-Up: Faculty conducts a brief (10-15 minutes) lecture on a topic or content area. Faculty may assign a reading or written assignment as well. The instructor gives the students a set of generic question stems. Question stems help students to come up with or write questions about a text or topic.
Instructions: Students work individually to write their own questions based on the material being covered. They do not have to be able to answer the questions they pose. This activity is designed to encourage students to think about ideas relevant to the content area. The students should use as many question stems as possible.
Grouped into learning teams, each student offers a question for discussion, using the different stems.
Three-step interviews can be used as an ice breaker for team members to get to know one another or can be used to get to know concepts in-depth, by assigning roles to students.
Set-Up: The teacher assigns roles or students can “play” themselves. Teachers may also give interview questions or information that should be “found.”
Student A interviews Student B for the specified number of minutes, listening attentively and asking probing questions.
At the teacher’s signal, students reverse roles and B interviews A for the same number of minutes. At a second signal, each pair turns to another pair, forming a group of four. Each member of the group introduces his or her partner, highlighting the most interesting points.
Set-Up: The teacher selects a short video (10-15 minutes) on the topic of their choice. The topic should have some relevance to the lives of the students watching.
Instructions: When the video is over, organize students into groups and ask them to discuss the following questions:
What is my experience with [the topic]?
What are the major feelings associated with the experience?
Discuss how this affects our interactions with others.
At the teacher’s signal, the class comes together as a whole and one representative from each group shares the overall feelings expressed in the group. Once every group has been represented, the teacher can ask one debriefing question, “What are the implications of these experiences to you?” Or, for younger students, “How does understanding your classmates’ feelings about these experiences help you understand them better?”
Cooperative Games in the Classroom
As you plan to lead cooperative games for your students, be sure to choose games that are appropriate for their stage of development. Equipping our kids to engage with one another productively helps build healthy students, classrooms, and communities.
Every generation in recent history has grown up in a world where national and international news makes its way into the safety of our living rooms and around our dinner tables.
Though parents, teachers, and other caretakers might try to shield their children from scary sounds, images, and stories, the truth is that kids continue to be exposed to the dangers and stressors in our current culture.
In the 1970s, newsreels squawked out threatening projections about the United States energy crisis.
In the 1980s, the tension between the United States and the Soviet Union threatened war and the AIDS epidemic struck fear and panic.
Then in the 1990s, images of the Los Angeles riots, the Bosnian War, and the Oklahoma City Bombing repeatedly played for months on end.
As we are well aware today, the 2020s have introduced stressors no one could have predicted, and they are affecting our children daily. Masked children are familiar with the pandemic that continues to disrupt their classrooms, though they might not fully grasp the enormity of the threat. Some are aware that friends and loved ones have gotten sick, while others live in households that have been stricken with joblessness and even homelessness.
As caretakers, it behooves us to understand how we can identify the signs of stress and anxiety in children and become familiar with tools we can implement to help them thrive despite anxiety-inducing realities.
Identifying Stress in Children
Anxiety is a natural part of life. It doesn’t always signal a more significant problem–sometimes, it is simply a human reaction to a human dilemma.
For example, if your child sees one classmate teasing another, she may grow anxious. This anxiety could be an empathetic response, during which your child puts his/herself in the other person’s shoes and feels what she might feel if she was being teased. A child’s anxiety in this situation could also be triggered by the fear that the offending classmate may tease him/her one day.
Though these feelings are not comfortable, they are normal and even helpful. Just as some discomfort helps lead adults to pursue healthy, strong responses, they also help children navigate difficult moments.
Some fears are common among specific age groups. Some of these common fears include:
Strangers
Loud noises
Monsters
The dark
Bugs
Sickness
Dogs
Children experiencing fears can exhibit behaviors resulting from their uncomfortable feelings even if real danger is not present. When worries go unaddressed and unprocessed, they can become stress and anxiety.
Stress in children can manifest in various ways. According to Aetna, these are among the most common:
Avoidance of specific activities, situations, or people
A tendency to worry about what can go wrong in any scenario
Worries or fears that interfere with normal daily activities
Persistent distress despite an adult’s reassurances
Trouble sleeping at night or insisting on sleeping with family members
Physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomach pain that don’t stem from other medical conditions
When you identify these signs of anxiety in your student or child, use the moment to connect with them. You can seek to understand what is at the foundation of their concern and help them clearly articulate the source.
How to Help a Child With Stress and Anxiety
Help your child talk about what is frightening them by asking specific questions.
Often, articulating their fear or frustration can release tension in and of itself. For example, if a child becomes upset at the suggestion of beginning his or her school day on Zoom, you can ask them, “What makes Zoom scary?” Or, “What was difficult about the last time you met your class on Zoom?” These questions can help guide your child toward specific answers.
Once you’ve taken the time to help your child identify the source of their worry, validate the emotion they’re experiencing.
If a child tells you they’re afraid of the dark, and you’ve asked clarifying questions to pinpoint the specific fear, you can say, “I know a lot of children your age who feel afraid of the dark.” Then begin to help your child create a plan to overcome their fear. You may feel compelled to offer a great deal of sympathy or comfort to the child as you discuss their fear of the dark, but it’s best to identify the fear, validate it, and then move on to creating a plan. Too much sympathy can become a reward that reinforces the fear.
After you’ve initiated a conversation with the child, help them create a plan to overcome their fear.
If a student exhibits significant fear of heights, and you’ve helped them identify the fear and validated the fear, such as “I can see you are really afraid of heights,” you can help them plan a way to overcome it.
“How about today you stand at the top of the slide for a few seconds and imagine yourself having a great time going down the slide. By the end of the week, you can give it a try!” Helping children set these goals and then encouraging them along the way lets them know you see them, hear them, and you are willing to support them through difficult emotions and circumstances.
Social and Emotional Learning Helps Children with Stress
NPR recently discussed the importance of social and emotional learning to overwhelmed children.
The author interviewed Olga Acosta Price, director of the National Center for Health and Health Care in Schools. Price says, “Effective social and emotional learning doesn’t happen ‘only at certain times of the day or with certain people,’ it should be reflected in all school operations and practices. With disruptions from the pandemic so widespread, that kind of approach is needed now more than ever.” At Soul Shoppe, we agree.
The best time to help children understand and interact with their emotions–and the feelings of others–is while they are experiencing them throughout the day.
Children are still experiencing crises daily (NY Times). It is our responsibility as adults and caretakers to help guide our children through these tumultuous times by helping them survive and thrive. We can do that when we give them the social and emotional tools to face the dangers–either imagined or real–and grow the skills they need to identify, manage, and reframe complicated feelings.
