Parenting is one of the most rewarding jobs in life. However, it can also be one of the most challenging. Because children do not come with instructions, it is up to parents to learn the parenting style that works best for them.
There are several parenting methods that help children develop into successful, happy adults. However, others can leave children feeling anxious with low self-esteem. That’s why we suggest the positive parenting method. It helps children become capable and resilient while bonding them to their caregiver. Although some people consider this a “fluffy” way to parent—it is not. Rather, it is effective in holding children accountable for their actions in age-appropriate ways. This system uses clear expectations and rewards to empower children to make responsible decisions.
In this article, we will detail what positive parenting is and how it benefits children. We’ll also provide positive parenting tips.
What is Positive Parenting
The movement for positive parenting began in the 1900s. Previously, it was believed that children should be “seen but not heard.” However, psychotherapist Alfred Adler declared that children should be treated with dignity and respect. He also declared that children should not be spoiled. Otherwise, they would be riddled with self-entitlement and would be devoid of empathy. Furthermore, Adler asserted that children need connections to adults and an emotionally safe environment to thrive. These ideas helped form the positive parenting method.
This style of parenting focuses on several ideas. Some of the most important include:
Parenting children in age-appropriate ways
Being sensitive to children’s needs, temperament, and developmental stage (Parenting for Brain)
Nurturing children emotionally
Having clear boundaries and limits
Building connections with children
Understanding that misbehaviors are underlying symptoms of problems. They are simply a cry for help. Once underlying symptoms are identified and dealt with, problem behaviors will cease (Positive Parenting Solutions)
The idea that a misbehaving child is not bad, mean, uncontrollable, or defiant
Having empathy for children and showing consistent love and warmth
Focusing on the children’s best interests
Rewarding good behavior and accomplishments
Having clear communication between parents and children (Positive Psychology)
Building children’s self-esteem and independence
Benefits of Positive Parenting
Research strongly supports positive parenting. In a 7 year-long study in 1997, researchers studied this method. Researchers examined supportive parenting (positive parenting) and contrasted it with less supportive parenting styles. The supportive style was defined as parent and child warmth, proactive teaching, positive involvement, and inductive discipline. Less supportive styles were harsher and had colder interactions between parent and child.
The study showed that the positive parenting style increased school performance and led to fewer behavioral problems. Furthermore, this type of parenting actually mitigated the impact of trauma and child stress (Positive Parenting). Supportive parenting was also able to overcome adversities such as single parenting, divorce, poverty, and more.
Similarly, a study on emotional coaching by Bath Spa University discovered positive outcomes for families trained by emotional coaches. Parents reported an average of 79% improvement in children’s behaviors. (Positive Parenting).
Additional research has shown that positive parenting improves social-emotional development. In fact, children increase their emotional, physical, and behavioral health. At the same time, problem behaviors, such as aggression and hyperactivity, are reduced. These benefits are shown as early as 1.5-3 years of age. Benefits last a lifetime as children have a better chance of academic success. (NCT).
The research overwhelmingly shows that positive parenting works.
Positive Parenting Tips
Here are some positive parenting tips that will enhance your relationship with your child and encourage their success.
Teach children to self-regulate when upset. For example, if they receive a bad grade on a test, empathize with them. Say things like, “I can imagine that must be very frustrating. You must feel upset.” Hugs are appropriate if the child wants one. Respect their bodily autonomy if they do not. Also, do not try to fix the situation for them by calling their teacher. Instead, encourage your child to brainstorm ways to help themselves.
Model behavior that you wish to see. When frustrated, count to 10 out loud, or take a 5-minute break. If children disrupt your self-regulation time, respond calmly. Tell them, “Mommy is taking a 5-minute break to calm down. I will help you when I am done.” (Colorado Parent)
Catch children behaving well. Too often we focus on what our children are doing wrong. Instead, watch for opportunities when children are doing what they are supposed to do. Then reward them with verbal praise, a sticker on a reward chart, or other methods. For example, if a child is playing nicely with their sibling, be sure to use specific praise. Say, “I love the way you are sharing when playing together. That’s exactly what I like to see!” (NCT)
Don’t just say “no” to their requests. If they ask to go to the park but it’s impossible to go, then use other words. For example, say “I’d love to take you now but I have to work. I can take you tomorrow instead.”
Use distraction tactics. Distraction tactics are an excellent behavior management tool in positive parenting. They help prevent meltdowns or negative behaviors. For example, if a child is getting ready to knock over another child’s toy building, use this technique. Give the child alternative things to do, such as a different activity. Also, it could be a signal that they have energy to burn. Taking them to the park is a better option than allowing the events to unfold and then punishing them later. (NCT)
Take care of yourself as a parent. Parenting is a difficult job, and it’s important for caregivers to use self-care methods. This helps ensure parents are the best version of themselves for their children. A hot bath, spending time in nature, taking time out with friends, and other strategies are important for self-care.
The goal of parenting is to offer children ways to develop into healthier, independent, and successful adults. These positive parenting tips are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to positive parenting successfully.
Children need to develop Emotional Intelligence for a variety of reasons. It helps them understand their feelings and thoughts about themselves and others, but its effects go much deeper than that. Emotional Intelligence can even have a profound effect on their ability to obtain better job opportunities later in life.
In this article, we will detail what Emotional Intelligence is and explore its benefits. Then we will discuss parenting tips to help children develop this skill.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional Intelligence, often referred to as EQ, is a psychological theory that measures a person’s ability to recognize, manage, and understand their emotions. It emphasizes an awareness of how our emotions affect our behavior, and learning to manage both.
It is essential that children gain these abilities and awareness in their journey to becoming empathetic, balanced adults who are capable of handling difficult situations. The five main components of one’s EQ are:
Empathy – The ability to understand the feelings and emotions of others.
Self awareness – The ability to recognize one’s own emotional state and give an accurate self assessment. This skill is necessary for emotional growth.
Self regulation – The ability to manage thoughts and emotions, as well as consider long term consequences.
Internal motivation – Behavior that is driven by intrinsic rewards. This skill helps people attain goals they set and achieve in every area.
Social Skills – Behaving in ways that are socially acceptable. In addition, knowing how to communicate with others.
Emotional Intelligence comprises a skill set with enormous benefits. With some effort, it can be learned by both children and adults.
Benefits of Teaching Emotional Intelligence
There are many benefits to teaching Emotional Intelligence. Primarily, it helps children perceive, manage, and regulate their own feelings and emotions. Beyond that, it also helps them understand the feelings of others. Together, these give children a lowered risk of depression and other mental illnesses (Stratford).
At the same time, high Emotional Intelligence, also known as an emotional quotient (EQ), allows a student to make better connections with others, which improves their friendships, their ability to work in teams, and their conflict resolution. In fact, people with higher Emotional Intelligence are more likely to get promoted at work and earn better salaries (Latrobe University). A study by the American Journal of Public Health found that students with high EQ were more likely to obtain college degrees (Stratford). For these reasons, teaching EQ gives children a better chance at career success and a better life in general.
Parenting Tips to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Children
Children begin developing their Emotional Intelligence through interaction with their parents or caregivers. Therefore, it is important that parents show children how to successfully manage their emotions. Here are some parenting tips that will help raise your child’s EQ.
Talk about feelings with your child. Children learn from adults modeling behaviors, and constructively expressing emotions is a healthy practice. Express how you are feeling to your child and allow them to see how to show the feeling in a productive way. For example, tell your child you are happy they are home from school, or you are frustrated that you had to work late. By doing so, you give them the chance to learn how to articulate feelings (Stratford).
Listen to your child. Listen to the emotions your child expresses, without trying to fix them. Instead, validate their feelings as real even if you don’t understand them (Penn State).
Recognize moods in the house. Help your child identify moods by asking, “What does it feel like to be in the house now?” Give hints if the child needs them. Gradually, children won’t need hints and will easily express the mood. Try this at different times, such as right before bedtime when it is quiet, or first thing in the morning when it is busy (Stratford).
Model How to Appropriately Express Feelings. It is important that you consistently demonstrate how to express feelings in healthy ways. Children learn early on from their caregivers about what is appropriate when expressing emotions, so begin as soon as possible. Show them that as an adult, you are responsible for how you express your emotions, even during stressful times (Penn State).
Identify the feelings of others. Encourage children to recognize when others have big feelings. For example, if another child falls down on the playground, ask your child, “How do you think they feel?” Or, while children run happily in the park, ask, “How do you think they feel to be here?” Noticing others’ feelings and how they are like their own is an important part of your child’s developing empathy. (Stratford).
Label Feelings. Help your child label their feelings and empathize with why they feel that way. This will help them articulate their emotions. Offer words to help them do so, such as, “Do you think you’re feeling confused and disappointed, or just sad?” (Penn State).
See emotions as a way to connect and teach your child. Children’s emotional episodes should not be viewed as sources of frustration for you. Instead, re-frame them by seeing them as ways to connect and strengthen your relationship. By coaching your child through their tough or poorly timed emotions, your bond grows. And, over time, they will have fewer outbursts. It’s a worthwhile investment to improve both your relationship and their emotional control. (Gottman).
Help your child solve problems with limits. While all emotions are acceptable, some behaviors are not. Teach your child problem-solving skills to help them cope with big emotions. Also, be clear about how children can express their feelings. While screaming and shouting are not acceptable, expressing sadness and frustration are. Be consistent about your expectations and have patience. Sometimes, having your child set goals with rewards can be helpful. Goals can include special time with parents and caregivers. (Gottman).
Self-regulation is a vital skill for social, academic, and physical success. Read to learn self-regulation strategies and self-regulation activities to do at home or school.
What Is Self-Regulation?
Self-regulation is the ability to control one’s thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. This control is for the purpose of achieving long-term goals. It includes the ability to manage impulses and emotions without being overwhelmed. For example, self-regulation includes dealing with frustration or excitement in appropriate ways. Children are taught this skill in order to cope with strong emotions and to work towards a goal.
It is important that adults teach this skill. According to Duke University, “…supporting self-regulation development early in childhood is an investment in later success because stronger self-regulation predicts better performance in school, better relationships with others, and fewer behavioral difficulties.” Although this skill takes practice and patience while learning, the results are well worth it.
In this article, we will explore self-regulation milestones and list self-regulation strategies. Lastly, we’ll provide self-regulation activities that are easy to implement.
Self-Regulation Developmental Milestones
Learning self-regulation is an essential component of childhood development. Young babies communicate through crying to express feelings and thoughts. They are unable to regulate their emotions. When babies reach 12-18 months of age, they begin to become aware of social demands. As a result, they develop the ability to change their behavior with parental assistance. Parents can redirect their children and comfort them. This ability improves as children reach 2 years of age. Children start developing self-control even when parents aren’t around. In addition, they show an increased ability to follow behavioral norms. By 3 years of age, most children have some self-regulation strategies. Children are then able to build on past experiences, known as scaffolding, to improve their self-regulation (Child Development).
Self-Regulation Components
There are essential stepping stones in developing self-regulation. Children learn these building blocks over time:
Thinking before acting
Staying focused on a goal
Remaining calm when they feel upset
Paying attention and avoiding distractions
Patience- learning to wait for what they want
Cooperating with others
Adapting to change
Following social norms, even when they don’t like them
These self-regulation stepping stones help children develop into happy, healthy individuals, so they can succeed not only academically, but in life.
Self-Regulation Strategies
Teaching self-regulation strategies to children involves both the caregiver and the child. This is because the caregiver must model the strategies, as well as manage their own stress. When caregivers or teachers are overly stressed, it’s more difficult to demonstrate self-regulation skills.
Children will need adequate sleep and nutrition while learning these strategies. They’ll also need plenty of time for outdoor play. A warm, loving environment provided at home and at school will help children through the process.
Strategies include:
Reading books about feelings or different experiences. They can be discussed and used as learning examples.
Engaging in social learning lessons to improve social skills, communication, and vocabulary
Teach self-love with mantras and positive sayings (Foothills Academy)
Keep everything grade appropriate and focus on giving positive reinforcement. For example, “I like how Jorge was sitting quietly and focusing on finding objects around the room!” This type of compliment is much more effective than saying, “Good job!” Giving detailed feedback helps children learn and motivates other children to try their best as well.
3rd-6th Grade
Create a feeling toolbox with an empty shoebox and 3×5 cards. Take 2-3 minutes to discuss a new feeling every day. Then have students write that emotion on their 3×5 card and decorate it with a picture of that feeling. Students can look through the boxes at any time to discuss how they feel. It can also include comfort items, such as ribbons, stones, sensory items, stress balls, journals, and more. (Nebraska Dept of Ed.)
Charades with triggers. Pick a feeling and then have the adult act out the situation that could trigger the feeling. Then have the child guess the situation. Afterward, reverse roles. (Nebraska Dept. of Ed.)
Provide a “cool down” area where children can go to self-regulate when they are emotional and overwhelmed. This area can have coloring pages, books, pen and paper, and more (Edutopia).
Check-in and check out. Check-in can be rolling or tossing a ball in a circle and taking turns. Students tell classmates something they did recently or share their own news. To check out, students tell others about what they liked or disliked about the day. (Nebraska Dept. of Ed.)
Read stories to teach self-awareness. Bring attention to events in the book where characters are dysregulated, and discuss how they could self-regulate. Ask questions at the end of the book about how well the characters coped with difficult situations (Penn State).
Teach children about their brain and how it responds to stressful stimuli. In addition, teach how the brain can self-regulate. By showing children how the process works, they can better understand why it is important to develop these skills. Also, it shows them their ability to regulate themselves (Foothills Academy).
Social support (asking for help, peer groups, family or teacher connections)
Grounding activities (deep breathing, slow counting, grounding exercise- 5 things they can see, 4 things they can hear, 3 things they can feel, 2 things they can smell, and 1 thing they can taste). (Pearson)
Teachers and caregivers should give positive reinforcement for self-regulating behaviors. Similarly, refraining from punishing children who are trying to learn these skills is important. Children will make mistakes. Just be sure to evaluate them appropriately and follow through on classroom rules. Lastly, be sure to model the behavior that you wish to see. Children often learn through seeing and then perform a similar behavior. Be consistent and children will learn quickly!
6th-12th Grade
Have students journal each day. Students will choose a situation to write about. Instruct them to express the situation in detail. Additionally, they should write how the situation made them feel and how they coped with that feeling. If the situation was positive, have them think about how that success made them feel. This helps with the reflective process (Positive Action).
Daily or weekly check-in. Have students sit in a circle and roll a ball to a student that has not had a turn. Students can share news about themselves or their families or something they did recently (Nebraska Dept. of Ed.)
Play feeling detective: Have students teach adults about kids. Pick a feeling and ask kids to share ideas about how we can tell when students are feeling that way. What do they do with their bodies? What are their minds thinking about? What would they want to say? (Nebraska Dept. of Ed).
Teach progressive muscle relaxation. It has the ability to help treat anger and aggression in adolescents. In addition, it helps soothe the body and provide relief (Edutopia).
Have students set goals for themselves. They could be goals for academics, life, or that year. The goals should be reachable. Students and teachers quickly conference about the goals before they are written down. This helps students assume responsibility for themselves and builds self-efficacy. (Vanderbilt)
Teenagers should have the opportunity to practice self-regulation skills. Because they are older, they will have developed some skills and should be able to implement them with success. Continue reinforcing positive self-regulation skills and give specific praise. Also, students of this age group should be given more opportunities to use self-regulation activities on their own.
Building social skills helps children develop strong friendships, and encourages better peer and adult relationships. Read about social skills activities for kids and how they can help children improve their interactions.
Social Skills Activities for Kids
Social skills are a critical part of child emotional development. With attention, children begin building social skills from birth to age three. Then these skills are enhanced throughout childhood. However, students of any age can improve their social skills and benefit from them. Social skills are developed with both effort and practice.
What Are Social Skills?
Social skills are the tools necessary for children to form and maintain relationships. These skills help children self-regulate and take responsibility for their actions. According to 8,000 teachers and 20 years of research, here are the top 10 most important skills:
Listen to others
Follow the steps
Follow the rules
Ignore distractions
Ask for help
Take turns when you talk
Get along with others
Stay calm with others
Be responsible for your own behavior
Do nice things for others
When children are able to listen to others and take turns they improve their communication skills. That interchange is important for positive relationships with others. Likewise, following the rules, ignoring distractions, and being responsible for behavior show self-control. Additionally, getting along with others and staying calm are important skills for cooperation. Asking for help and following directions show independence. Lastly, doing nice things for others signifies empathy. Social success is intertwined by many other skills. However, these are the core social skills that will benefit children for a lifetime.
Benefits of Learning Social Skills
Social skills are incredibly important for many reasons. Researchers found that when these skills are taught, problem behaviors are reduced and learning time is maximized (Vanderbilt).
Long-term benefits are also noted. For example, schools with strong social emotional programs have higher graduation rates. This translates to better employment opportunities and wages, as well as improved physical and mental health (PBIS).
Learning social skills is just as important as learning academics. In fact, it is a precursor to any kind of learning. Students who learn social skills learn communication and are better at conflict resolution. They learn how to advocate for themselves, and implement emotional management tools. Other benefits include:
In contrast, when students do not learn social skills, they can suffer from loneliness and mental health problems. They tend to have poor relationships with others. Similarly, students who have inferior social skills may have school and behavioral problems (Behavioral Sciences). Other issues include difficulty completing academic work. Therefore, students are far more likely to thrive at school when taught social skills.
Social Skills Activities for Kids
There are many fun and engaging ways to teach children social skills. Here is a list of social skills activities, and how to implement them.
Turn-Taking Games
One example is throwing a ball and naming the student you are passing it to. Another idea is playing a board game and having students say, “My turn,” at the start of their turn.
Role-Playing
Practice scenarios where children do not know anyone. Start by discussing phrases they can say. Some of them could include, “My name is…” and “Can I play with you?” (Child Development)
First, discuss friendships and what makes a good friend. Then have students write a card to a friend. (PBIS)
Playing “Simon Says”
This game helps with attention skills and self-regulation. In this game, one person at the front must say an action, such as “raise your hand.” However, if they do not say, “Simon Says,” then the children who perform the action are out. Every action must be said like this: “Simon Says: ___ “.
Playing “Red Light, Green Light”
In this game, students must work on self-regulation and following directions. This game is best played outside. The teacher or a student must stand at the finish line, and everyone else has to stand at the starting line. When the announcer says, “Green Light!” students can walk or run towards the finish line. However, when the announcer says, “Red light!” students must stop at once. Any students moving after that command are out.
Seeing Something From Someone Else’s Perspective
Gather children in a circle and tell students it’s important to see things from another’s perspective. Then demonstrate how to do this. Say something like, “I noticed that (the student) was having a difficult day when their friend wasn’t in class. I thought it must have been sad for them to miss their friend.” Model both their perspective and how you think they felt. (Child Mind Institute)
Discussing Social Norms by Watching a Clip or a Short Show Together
Before starting the show, discuss that the children will be watching for characters and the setting. Ask what they know about the show or characters. Additionally, ask what they expect to happen in the scene. After discussions begin watching but keep the remote handy. Pause the video at important parts and discuss character actions. You can also point out body language or facial expressions (Child Mind Institute).
Playing Board Games
Before starting, discuss appropriate ways to win and lose. Also, discuss appropriate commentary. Comments such as, “That was a great move!” and “Great game!” are encouraged. Then have students play with each other, and positively reinforce self-regulation and social skills (Child Development).
Having Students Work with Mentors
This can be done with peers or different age groups. Students should work on pro-social activities, such as reading together, working on projects, art, or more.
Having Students Create Videos
Children can learn new skills with imitation. Practicing these techniques in the classroom is a safe way to learn them. First, discuss the primary social skill, such as self-regulation. Explore what it means, and the body language and words associated with it. Next, group children in small groups (3-6) and encourage them to act out a scene showing cooperation. Then create the video. Lastly, share the video and discuss the body language and skills shown. This can be done with younger students if the teacher or a volunteer video records for them (Positive Action).
There are many ways to teach social skills to children. This is not an exhaustive list. Please see below for additional resources.
When children attentively listen, both their academic performance and relationships can improve. In this article, we’ll discuss active listening and provide examples of listening skills activities to help children develop proficiency in this area.
Listening Skills Activities for Students
Listening skills are an important communication tool that requires practice. It is important to distinguish between listening and hearing, as they are not the same. Many people can recall the sound of rain or music, for example. However, listening to them requires active listening skills. According to Maryville University, active listening requires, “attention, comprehension of the message relayed, and recollection of what’s been said.” This skill is vital for teamwork, problem-solving, leadership, and conflict resolution for kids (Oxford). Listening skills activities teach children to actively listen.
What is Active Listening
Active listening is crucial to learning. These skills are necessary at home and in the classroom. Active listening is defined as giving full attention to the speaker and understanding the complete message that was sent (Oxford). This means understanding both verbal and nonverbal cues. There are four main types of active listening. They include:
Appreciative Listening
This type of listening occurs when we pay close attention to what’s said and then respond to the speaker. The listener must actively listen and respond appropriately.
Empathetic Listening
Empathetic listening involves hearing another person discuss their problems. It is also known as therapeutic listening. Empathetic listening means giving supportive cues, such as eye contact, and exhibiting empathy.
Comprehensive Listening
When we listen without judgment to the speaker’s perspective, we are using comprehensive listening skills. We pay attention to nonverbal and verbal cues. Some of these clues include body language and tone. This type of listening builds trust, friendships, and community.
Critical Listening
We use critical listening when we analyze carefully and without bias. This type often occurs when separating facts from opinions. We often do this when we are offered a product or service (Oxford).
These four main types of active listening can be taught to children through activities.
Active Listening Benefits
There are numerous benefits to learning active listening skills. Firstly, students have better comprehension when they actively listen. By paying full attention to the speaker and deeply listening, students retain information. This improves their academic performance in every area, as well as their productivity. In addition, they are typically better critical and mindful thinkers. In short, active listening skills provide enormous cognitive benefits.
Additionally, students improve socially when their communication skills progress. They can resolve conflicts with their classmates and advocate for themselves. This helps reduce disruptions in the classroom and promotes positive action. Good listeners tend to be better liked and have stronger relationships. Therefore, providing listening exercises for students is beneficial in any classroom or home environment.
Listening Activities for Students
KWL Chart
This stands for “Know, Want to Know, and Learned.” Make a chart using a large paper or a whiteboard with three columns labeled K, W, and L. Introduce students to a topic and then listen to what they already know about it. Write highlights of what they know under the “K” section. Encourage students to brainstorm about what they would like to know about the topic. Write their thoughts under the “W” section. Next, give students the vocabulary and background information they will need to understand the topic. Prompt students to listen for 1-2 specific items. Include tone, details, and emotions when teaching. Lastly, have students tell you what they learned and then complete the chart under the “L” section. Provide a follow-up activity such as crafts, writing prompts, or group discussions (Colorado State).
Simon Says
This classic game is perfect for teaching active listening skills. Students have to pay close attention to the speaker. One person stands in front of the classroom and says the task the rest of the class must perform. Then, students have to quickly perform the activity. However, they can only do it if the speaker says, “Simon Says.” If those words aren’t used, the children doing the activity are “out” for that game.
Telephone
This game is great for kids from preschool up to high school. In this game, the teacher or a student makes up an appropriate phrase or sentence. Then the message is whispered to the next student until it is passed around by the entire class. The goal is to have the correct message revealed at the end. This game shows students the importance of active listening and is a fun way to hone their skills.
Group Story
In this game, students actively listen to everyone’s ideas. One person starts by saying a few words (1-3 works well for younger students, 3-5 for older students). Then the next person adds to it, based on what was said in the previous sentence. For example, if one student says, “My pet bunny,” the next person should say something like, “likes eating carrots.” The goal of the activity is for students to listen and repeat the full story at the end.
Mindful Meditation
Have students sit or lay down quietly. Utilize mindfulness in the classroom activities such as guided meditation or a mindful body scan as discussed here. This helps teach students to listen and focus.
Sound Scavenger Hunt
This game can be conducted in several different ways. Scavenger hunts can be inside or outside. In this activity, children hunt for sounds. Have children sit quietly and try to focus on the sounds they hear and identify the sound. They can move around the room and pinpoint sounds, or they can find sounds outdoors. The sounds can be as specific or general as you wish. (Waterford).
Copycat
This game involves having students actively listen and then kinesthetically respond. A teacher or student can stand at the front of the classroom to begin. A simple movement is best to start, such as clapping hands or snapping fingers. Whatever the appointment leader does, the rest of the class imitates (Seattle Education). You can make this activity more challenging by performing multiple gestures at once or a sequence of gestures, which requires more attention to repeat.
Some listening skills activities take 5 minutes or less. They are a quick way to sharpen students’ cognitive skills. Active listening exercises for students promote success. Although it can be difficult to make the time, the benefits far outweigh the time spent.
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