Soul Shoppe's work is made possible by donors and partners who care deeply about the young people in their communities! We can't do this work without you. Support our work in classrooms and on playgrounds across the nation by donating here.
Our young people are speaking up. At March for Our Lives rallies across the country, they showed up to hear and hold each other, and to work toward a simple dream of safe schools. Their message, their leadership and the community they have built is inspiring. By sharing their feelings and their needs, these young people have found common ground in their experiences, whether they come from Florida or Chicago or Los Angeles or anywhere in between. Because they are listening and actually hearing each other, they have been able to build a movement.
We know the power and healing that comes from being heard. We know that we need allies who will help us to express our feelings in healthy ways. Allies give us the support we need. With the help of our allies we can create a safe environment so that everyone can speak their truth – even when we don’t understand or when it’s hard to hear. Allies help us to work toward solutions that serve the best interests of all. This is the role our Peacemakers have on school playgrounds across the country.
Peacemakers are 3rd, 4th and 5th grade students who are trained to help their classmates resolve conflicts that occur on the playground, in classrooms, or the cafeteria. They learn conflict resolution skills, communication tools and leadership. When a conflict arises, two peacemakers literally walk their peers through the Soul Shoppe Peace Path. They use our seven-step process and work through the problem until it’s resolved.
While the process is important, the Peacemakers themselves and the qualities they embody are the heart of the program. They are allies to one another in facilitating the peace process and allies for their classmates to ensure that each person is heard. Peacemakers come to every interaction with ally strategies that change the dynamic from punishment or shame to mutual understanding.
One of the strategies they use is “dropping the story.” Every one of us has the impulse to form an opinion about a person whether we know them or not. To be an ally, it’s important to let go of assumptions and judgments. Peacemakers learn to counteract that impulse by telling themselves, “I’m dropping the story.” This is easier said than done! Try it for yourself. For the next five people you see, actively interrupt your thoughts by saying, “I’m dropping my story.” You might be surprised at how quickly we create stories about everyone we encounter. Notice what changes in your interactions when you let go of them.
The next ally strategy is “open mind.” An open mind includes actively listening with ears, eyes and heart. Peacemakers look for feelings that aren’t explicitly voiced, but can be read from body posture, from the tone of someone’s voice, from the look in their eyes or from a gut feeling they have. Our bodies are sensitive to other people’s emotions, and we can generally read other people well when we take the time to do it. Taking a moment to stop and breathe and tune in to someone else allows the Peacemakers to see what is going on. As a result, the person feels genuinely heard, and being deeply heard is sometimes all a person needs. Having someone stop and listen is powerful medicine.
A third ally strategy is “listen to all sides.” Peacemakers remain neutral, not taking sides or deciding who is right or wrong. As an ally, the goal is to understand the needs of each person. Right/wrong is not an important concept. Peacemakers listen, not to decide or to judge, but to help each person speak and be heard.
These are a few of the tools that Peacemakers put into action. As you can imagine, when schools have Peacemakers, the entire culture of conflict shifts. Disagreements are settled not by who can yell the loudest or run away the fastest or with a quick punishment, but by listening deeply to one another’s needs. When students receive the tools/support to solve problems themselves, they learn that conflict can be an opportunity to build connection.
We’re inspired by the power of our young people. Let’s continue to give them opportunities to step into leadership in our classrooms, schools and communities. Let’s support our next generation of leaders by sharing our skills, resources and knowledge. Most importantly, let us be allies to them by listening deeply and hearing what they truly need.
Would you like more Soul Shoppe in your home? We’ve put together a special package for you! Our new Peacemakers @ Home Kit contains two of each of our highly coveted peace path (laminated, 8 1/2″ x 11″) and peace keys. Instructions on how to get started are included. Order between now and April 20th and use code PMAPR to receive free standard shipping. Click here.
Contact Amanda to find out how to bring our Peacemaker Program into your favorite elementary school.
After Stoneman Douglas, making NEVER AGAIN a reality…
In the wake of the shootings at Stoneman Douglas High School, we at Soul Shoppe must confess a painful truth. We have been stunned, paralyzed and silent, wondering what else there is to say that hasn’t already been said. How could we contribute to lasting healing and change? But as we watched our young people say, “Never Again” and rise up to use their voices,we finally found ours. Two letters follow: one to young people and one to adults.
Dear Young People
We’re sorry. We, the adults in this country, have failed you in so many ways. When you were born, you looked to the adults in your world to meet your needs, to feed you, clothe you, keep you safe and give you love. We have not done our job (keeping you physically and emotionally safe) leaving you the task of doing that for yourselves.
We have created communities where a young person can feel isolated, depairing, and in such pain that they could inflict so much violence around them. Although we know the cycle of violence and how pain can be turned into healing when it is met with empathy, we did not respond to your cries for help.
As you stand up in larger and larger numbers, demanding action and accountability to keep our schools and all communities safe, you inspire us. We recognize that in our inaction, in our growing cynicism coupled with increasing numbness, we grew to believe that nothing could be done. Or maybe that we were doing all we could.
You shouldn’t have to do this. We don’t want you to wonder if you and your friends are safe at school. Taking your time to advocate to reduce weapons in our communities. We don’t want you to plan marches in order for people to notice what’s wrong— and that your voices matter–and that the time is now.
The power in your voice has been evident since the moment you started speaking as a child. Your leadership is an asset. We see you in communities planning innovative ways to raise your voices as well as speak truth to your power. And connecting to each other across geographic and racial divisions. We will surround you with all the love and care you need. As adults, we will be true allies and use our own power–our skills, our resources, our access–to shine more light on your brilliance.
We promise to do right by you.
In Solidarity,
Soul Shoppe
Dear Adults
We must have the backs of our young people in our schools, in our communities and in our homes. Let’s recognize the voices of our young people for they are always the best authorities on their own experience. Let’s listen deeply to what they say and then take action. Here are some suggestions on where to start:
Learn to listen with an open heart and mind. Sometimes it’s challenging to listen. We have opinions, ideas, and so much advice! Our young people need our listening, not our judgment or feedback. Cultivate our listening by taking a moment to slow down so we can truly hear. We might be surprised by what we learn. Emma Gonzalez Opens Up
Intervene in the persistent stereotype of young people as problems to be solved and break the cycle of adultism. Name and change our own participation in adultist behaviors.
Recognize when we are numbing out, overloaded or unable to be our full selves. Tap on someone else to carry the load until we are fully charged again. Model self-care so that this rising generation of activists will have the tools to thrive as activists in the long term.
Every day at Soul Shoppe, we witness brave, powerful young people who step into their vulnerability, share their experience and then receive the empathy and love of their classmates. We watch them stand up with courage and speak out, and as a result they inspire us. At the core of what we do is a commitment to be open and vulnerable, therefore having our young people move us with what they have to share. It’s time for all of us to stretch ourselves and have the same courage our young people are demonstrating. We promise to support these young leaders and their teachers, and to amplify their efforts as they show us how to create big-hearted communities where everyone belongs.
Spread the message of empathy and understanding! We can create a Big-Hearted Revolution by voting for vicki! Abadesco to speak at Wisdom 2.0. It is more than a talk. It is an EXPERIENCE!
vicki! is one of the Founders of Soul Shoppe, a non-profit focused on teaching social-emotional learning and conflict resolution in elementary and middle schools. Through Wisdom 2.0, vicki! will give leaders and changemakers the Soul Shoppe interactive, immersive experience.
Give Wisdom 2.0 conference goers the EXPERIENCE of EMPATHY. Understand what is blocking us from treating each other with kindness and compassion every day.
